"You like it cause its trendy."
"No, that would be dumb, because it wouldn't have anything to do with its own merit, it would be a choice based on wanting to fit in with something"
"Well, then you like it because you think it makes you different/unique/special to be the kind of person to like this"
"No, that would be dumb, because I want to have a personality that I discover through the experiences and emotions evoked from occurrences in life. I don't want the reverse; that I would feel forced to identify with something because my personality "should".
"Well then why do you like it?"
"I just do! I experience it and for what it is, whatever THAT is, I feel good"
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Purity
Everything I do seems to distance me from it.
Music is some sort of flawed tribute to silence.
But despite how negative I describe it, it feels good. Real good. its just interesting to distill and realize that a blank canvas, silence, the ocean, and stars all scream at you how there IS purity, and no, you cant have it.
By the way...
I know the stars aren't blank, but somehow they feel as pure as emptiness. I cant really explain. Something about the subtlety and complexity, I suppose.
And when I say ocean, I mean the way endless waves look and feel. A surface in a state of constant uniform and chaotic flux is pure too.
I will worship these things, and I will never attain them. and in my fascination, I will create things. and I will feel better for it.
Everything I do seems to distance me from it.
Music is some sort of flawed tribute to silence.
But despite how negative I describe it, it feels good. Real good. its just interesting to distill and realize that a blank canvas, silence, the ocean, and stars all scream at you how there IS purity, and no, you cant have it.
By the way...
I know the stars aren't blank, but somehow they feel as pure as emptiness. I cant really explain. Something about the subtlety and complexity, I suppose.
And when I say ocean, I mean the way endless waves look and feel. A surface in a state of constant uniform and chaotic flux is pure too.
I will worship these things, and I will never attain them. and in my fascination, I will create things. and I will feel better for it.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
It feels so good
To step back
and wash some goddamn dishes.
It feels so right
To stop playng Warcraft 3
and clean my computer desk.
It seems so cool
To take a walk outside.
And yes, I feel better
Once ive played a little music.
And after a little music, it leads to a little more.
Then my hands hurt. Then my lips hurt. Then my throat hurts. Then I listen to some music, and maybe love some people. Then I feel better. Too many voices, too many thoughts, too many people saying to many things at too much volume, and I cant handle it sometimes! I wish the perfect person was here, so I could relax.
To step back
and wash some goddamn dishes.
It feels so right
To stop playng Warcraft 3
and clean my computer desk.
It seems so cool
To take a walk outside.
And yes, I feel better
Once ive played a little music.
And after a little music, it leads to a little more.
Then my hands hurt. Then my lips hurt. Then my throat hurts. Then I listen to some music, and maybe love some people. Then I feel better. Too many voices, too many thoughts, too many people saying to many things at too much volume, and I cant handle it sometimes! I wish the perfect person was here, so I could relax.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
wont you come outside
Kurt Vonnegut
By Born Ruffians.
Funny, When I had heard this song for the first time, I had never heard of the man. Ive read a few of his books, and I feel profoundly lucky to have. Its crazy... I could talk about this song as a link to this author, and how amazing that is, or the song itself, and how much I love it. they are connected... I think. anyway, I feel compelled to do something with it, mabye mix it or something. especially the last 2 minutes or so.
yeah.
also, things are changing, which is always nice. I feel fluid. I have more things to worry about, but I find myself actually worrying less overall. Being careless means being in love more. Love in that I can live and not worry. loops.
Kurt Vonnegut
By Born Ruffians.
Funny, When I had heard this song for the first time, I had never heard of the man. Ive read a few of his books, and I feel profoundly lucky to have. Its crazy... I could talk about this song as a link to this author, and how amazing that is, or the song itself, and how much I love it. they are connected... I think. anyway, I feel compelled to do something with it, mabye mix it or something. especially the last 2 minutes or so.
yeah.
also, things are changing, which is always nice. I feel fluid. I have more things to worry about, but I find myself actually worrying less overall. Being careless means being in love more. Love in that I can live and not worry. loops.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
When I get lost in the moment. That is a moment of clarity. Lets just listen to music together at night, at a party. Lets just listen to music together in the morning, after a walk. Lets just listen to music together immediately after something horrible happens. Lets just listen to music together.
Lets listen and hear and feel and take our time. we wont talk, but we will communicate with words. Not the words you choose, only the ones that sort of come out of you. Lets be near each other when we feel like this. Lets hang out hoping these moments happen. Lets write these songs and feel in love when we play them. Lets smile and scream.
Lets listen and hear and feel and take our time. we wont talk, but we will communicate with words. Not the words you choose, only the ones that sort of come out of you. Lets be near each other when we feel like this. Lets hang out hoping these moments happen. Lets write these songs and feel in love when we play them. Lets smile and scream.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
RESTART!
RESTART!
i fucked up. bright side? RESTART!
lets focus on music.
gunna get my complotz fixed, then go crazy on supermusiclife.
Torrents + proper file management = superavailable music forever.
Also:
We all wanna transcend, right?
some want to inspire, others want to be inspired.
the leader needs the followers,
the speaker needs the crowd.
the author needs the readers,
and I need you.
I need you to be here, because I need to matter!
RESTART!
i fucked up. bright side? RESTART!
lets focus on music.
gunna get my complotz fixed, then go crazy on supermusiclife.
Torrents + proper file management = superavailable music forever.
Also:
We all wanna transcend, right?
some want to inspire, others want to be inspired.
the leader needs the followers,
the speaker needs the crowd.
the author needs the readers,
and I need you.
I need you to be here, because I need to matter!
Friday, October 10, 2008
I tried, and I try. and Im smiling.
Love! what are you? who are you? are you even there? its inside me. love, that is.
Its ok.
Im in a band and im lucky. Women have loved me, and Im lucky. a few still do, and im lucky. I have bashu, and im lucky. I have music, and im lucky. everything will work out.
Love! what are you? who are you? are you even there? its inside me. love, that is.
Its ok.
Im in a band and im lucky. Women have loved me, and Im lucky. a few still do, and im lucky. I have bashu, and im lucky. I have music, and im lucky. everything will work out.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
G
G
That feeling,
Hmm. How to put it.
Listen to "Paper Tiger" by Spoon. Now, when you get to the part where
he says "and I will be there with you when you turn out the light."
Alright. So that feeling right there, that's what im trying to say. I
love you! I love so many people and so many ideas. I chase what makes
me feel closer to that moment in that song. Selfish, sort of. Being on
stage and being with you. What does it have in common? Feeling like
you are finally understood. Like you are getting across exactly what's
in you, deep down.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
"Dwell on uncomplicated beauty: The landscape, the sun on your face. Nothing touches you. Keep the image of your death cheerfully before you at all times. Gain perspective. Seek to clarify and comfort, not to obscure or mystify. Your aspirations are pointless; your ambitions come to nothing."
Stolen from Hal Heartley
Stolen from Hal Heartley
Saturday, October 4, 2008
FUCK YOU RELATIVISM!
The subjectivity of everything may be factual, but it can depress, too.
I want meaning! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!
hahahahahahhaha!
yeah.
do you see what it is now?
Its nothing.
I feel like life is meaningful when you Get It when I freak out all over you and your mind.
I feel like life is meaningful when I dont have to apologize to myself. EVER.
Fucking high on life. Except its more like Manic freaking out on life. Also, im listening to the new TV on the Radio album presently. and yeah. Thinking about it all. and how it fits. and how much there is.
"there is so much space on this earth full of whatever you're looking for"
OK, but that makes it hard to even look.
IF its all there, just waiting for you, how can you even figure out what to do?
What if the answer to every question you ever asked was YES, and you knew this? HOW COULD YOU EVEN be? Love.
Love.
LOVLEOVLEOVLOELVOLVOELVLVELOLVOVLEOVELOVELOEVLVEOLVEOLVEOVLEVL
Love. Evolve. Evolve Love.
The subjectivity of everything may be factual, but it can depress, too.
I want meaning! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!
hahahahahahhaha!
yeah.
do you see what it is now?
Its nothing.
I feel like life is meaningful when you Get It when I freak out all over you and your mind.
I feel like life is meaningful when I dont have to apologize to myself. EVER.
Fucking high on life. Except its more like Manic freaking out on life. Also, im listening to the new TV on the Radio album presently. and yeah. Thinking about it all. and how it fits. and how much there is.
"there is so much space on this earth full of whatever you're looking for"
OK, but that makes it hard to even look.
IF its all there, just waiting for you, how can you even figure out what to do?
What if the answer to every question you ever asked was YES, and you knew this? HOW COULD YOU EVEN be? Love.
Love.
LOVLEOVLEOVLOELVOLVOELVLVELOLVOVLEOVELOVELOEVLVEOLVEOLVEOVLEVL
Love. Evolve. Evolve Love.
Friday, October 3, 2008
"I feel alive"
"Why's that?"
"I can't explain"
"Why not?"
"It's not something I might be able to explain properly. It's like, imagine you just saw a really great movie, but it was a strange movie also. The characters weren't easy to understand right away. Each scene taught me something about them, but it wasn't as simple as them staring at the camera and giving tired one-liners. Things like subtlety of language, things like body language, and most importantly, their faces- the way each facial feature coupled with their eyes seemed to hint at so much of their emotions- they all show so much and yet still give you space to feel connected to the characters by learning about them."
"Yeah, I think I know what you mean, but the people I know in real life are like that! People aren't like Tobey Maguire in the Spiderman movies or the countless lead characters in cookie-cutter romantic comedies- they are complex people. Sometimes they wish they had said something differently, they don't always know what's right to do or what they truly want. So why do these movies mean so much to you?"
"Music. When you combine all that- depth of emotion and sincerity- with a certain kind of music, it does something amazing that I can't explain. It's like when you are at home listening to music, and one song triggers something in your head, and you get a moment of clarity about some emotional thing you have been thinking about. That's why I feel like that, and that's why those movies do that."
"Why's that?"
"I can't explain"
"Why not?"
"It's not something I might be able to explain properly. It's like, imagine you just saw a really great movie, but it was a strange movie also. The characters weren't easy to understand right away. Each scene taught me something about them, but it wasn't as simple as them staring at the camera and giving tired one-liners. Things like subtlety of language, things like body language, and most importantly, their faces- the way each facial feature coupled with their eyes seemed to hint at so much of their emotions- they all show so much and yet still give you space to feel connected to the characters by learning about them."
"Yeah, I think I know what you mean, but the people I know in real life are like that! People aren't like Tobey Maguire in the Spiderman movies or the countless lead characters in cookie-cutter romantic comedies- they are complex people. Sometimes they wish they had said something differently, they don't always know what's right to do or what they truly want. So why do these movies mean so much to you?"
"Music. When you combine all that- depth of emotion and sincerity- with a certain kind of music, it does something amazing that I can't explain. It's like when you are at home listening to music, and one song triggers something in your head, and you get a moment of clarity about some emotional thing you have been thinking about. That's why I feel like that, and that's why those movies do that."
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Had a good day today. Went swimming! havent gone swimming in a public pool in a while. The river is still better.
Im trying to get all my friends to vote. Im trying to be less of a douchebag. Im trying to accept my intensity. I dont want to feel bad for wanting it. So i wont! there! I dont want to hurt anyone, but i cant be fully aware all the time. I want to be loved. Anyone else?
Im trying to get all my friends to vote. Im trying to be less of a douchebag. Im trying to accept my intensity. I dont want to feel bad for wanting it. So i wont! there! I dont want to hurt anyone, but i cant be fully aware all the time. I want to be loved. Anyone else?
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Strange.
INSPIRATION< SOMETIMES CAN ACTUALLY HINDER CREATIVE OUTPUT?
what happens when you cant handle the input, so there is no output? or you can see the output in your head but it wont come out right?
ERROR ERROR OVERFLOW CODE 13246354654
I like it, i feel connected to it. Turns out, you feel the same way. The "connected to it feeling" i have is emotionally overwhelming to the point of self-damage from the inward pressure of no output. Even though you identify, we arent lovers. we arent even friends. why does the meaning compel me to love you and anyone else like you as though my desire is a weapon? HOW can we see the same thing and not simply be drawn together? I think deep down what I want is too much. I want everyone to love what I love, and to love me because of it. I turn that crazy dream down, though. I find people who already love what I love. and they arent drawn to me! a shared interest is not enough. SO! so what must i do! CREATE! MUSIC! WRITE! EXPRESS! FEEL LIKE IM WORTH SOMETHING TO SOMEONE! You know, my first "fan" who obsesses about me and my creations as much as I do, ill probably become totally compelled to love that person. so yeah.
Err...
MANIC LAUGHTER HAHAHAHAH
INSPIRATION< SOMETIMES CAN ACTUALLY HINDER CREATIVE OUTPUT?
what happens when you cant handle the input, so there is no output? or you can see the output in your head but it wont come out right?
ERROR ERROR OVERFLOW CODE 13246354654
I like it, i feel connected to it. Turns out, you feel the same way. The "connected to it feeling" i have is emotionally overwhelming to the point of self-damage from the inward pressure of no output. Even though you identify, we arent lovers. we arent even friends. why does the meaning compel me to love you and anyone else like you as though my desire is a weapon? HOW can we see the same thing and not simply be drawn together? I think deep down what I want is too much. I want everyone to love what I love, and to love me because of it. I turn that crazy dream down, though. I find people who already love what I love. and they arent drawn to me! a shared interest is not enough. SO! so what must i do! CREATE! MUSIC! WRITE! EXPRESS! FEEL LIKE IM WORTH SOMETHING TO SOMEONE! You know, my first "fan" who obsesses about me and my creations as much as I do, ill probably become totally compelled to love that person. so yeah.
Err...
MANIC LAUGHTER HAHAHAHAH
and i know you
and I KNOW you
and I know
you
are just around for a good time
And it feels good not to overthink it
as long as the others can play along.
if you try to hard, you dont stand a chance.
if you dont try at all, you have a small chance.
if you try sometimes, but only at the right times, you have a nice chance.
If trying at all the right times automatically feels natural, you have got it made.
if it doesnt, fake it!
or so i hear.
I dont want to fake it.
i want to be genuine. genuinely me. that means overbearing and gushy and forward and hard to take in all at once and unbelievable and moment-spoiling and way to in love for my own good.
WANTING SOMETHING
makes it less likely to happen, when it comes to girls like you, doesnt it?
and yet I find myself changing to become what I think you would like. I dont really want to do that, I want you. Its just wanting you involves that. I should really just... but ive already talked about that.
Lets run into each other at a party and make out while drunk. Then maybe If i tell you whats been running though my mind as I facebook stalk you ill seem less wierd. maybe. Is that how the kids get together? booze? i just wanna fucking make it happen. put it all out there. the whole fucking heart on sleeve clusterfuck that is my way of being. but i want it to work! i dont want to scare you away. anyway, if you read this it means im going to be ok, because you pay more attention than I thought. But is this about you? maybe.
and I KNOW you
and I know
you
are just around for a good time
And it feels good not to overthink it
as long as the others can play along.
if you try to hard, you dont stand a chance.
if you dont try at all, you have a small chance.
if you try sometimes, but only at the right times, you have a nice chance.
If trying at all the right times automatically feels natural, you have got it made.
if it doesnt, fake it!
or so i hear.
I dont want to fake it.
i want to be genuine. genuinely me. that means overbearing and gushy and forward and hard to take in all at once and unbelievable and moment-spoiling and way to in love for my own good.
WANTING SOMETHING
makes it less likely to happen, when it comes to girls like you, doesnt it?
and yet I find myself changing to become what I think you would like. I dont really want to do that, I want you. Its just wanting you involves that. I should really just... but ive already talked about that.
Lets run into each other at a party and make out while drunk. Then maybe If i tell you whats been running though my mind as I facebook stalk you ill seem less wierd. maybe. Is that how the kids get together? booze? i just wanna fucking make it happen. put it all out there. the whole fucking heart on sleeve clusterfuck that is my way of being. but i want it to work! i dont want to scare you away. anyway, if you read this it means im going to be ok, because you pay more attention than I thought. But is this about you? maybe.
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