what is left? I am left. and by the time that last bit matters, Ill have left. Bereft of notice, warning, or ceremony, ill be gone. im not suicidal. its katimavik. although. I have done this many times before. in different ways, with different people, I have lived compartmentalized lives.

We, collectively, are an anthill. The internet leads me to soo much cool stuff, webcomics, movies, anime, music. soo much creative expression that deeply affects me, that I feel a profound connection with. but theres too fucking much! I have realized that If i wanted I could spend my whole life just CONSUMING this stuff, delving deeper and deeper into the bowels of these art forms. and I would love every minute. and I would also cease to exist in real life.

When you look at the anthill, you see a few ants, but you cant see all of it at once. too many ants moving. but if you unfocus your eyes, you can see/feel all of them at once, in an almost spiritual way.

GAS STATION NOTE #4
(these are notes I wrote on little pieces of paper when I was bored at work. I worked graveyards, so I was bored a lot. Lots of time to think.)

"Music is expression". Every time you express an opinion, you get further away from something, and you get closer to something else. Where am I going with this?

Usually this only applies to people you know. What about musicians, writers? They express opinions that anyone and sometimes everyone ( and rarely noone) hears. This means their opinions "move" them(percieved) WAY faster "war is scary" is a totally normal thing to hear from an average person. When an Expresser says it, he (percieved) becomes a billion different things labelling him at once. You must be Left, then. You must not care about freedom, then. Why dont you protest, you hypocrite? You dont wanna help the world.
I dont know how, but I wanna distance myself from a world that evaluates and re-evaluates everything I do until I am defined as an ever-deeper flowchart that tells me who I am. No bars, no notes. can i express myself without further labelling myself? Can I say something meaningful without, percived or otehrwise, turning, moving, or changing into something? This is stupid. I hate opinions. I like certian things, others I dont. Im so scared of being unflexible. I am addicted to selfawareness and self actualization. Its paralyzing, when you think about it too much. Everything Everyone says or does changes them or furthers their opinions already in place.