He was walking. His headphones told him stories. His eyes told him another story as he walked. The morning was pale and dark. Willow trees shook slowly, and the wind was playful, like a child playing on a stage hours before a show. The music in his ears transformed what he saw, gave new meaning to things.
I love you very much. I love you, trees, I love you, wind, I love you, houses and street. You are showing me so much beauty and meaning right now. You are beautiful and wise. There is truth in you. The truth comes from a deep, peaceful place; you are not beautiful because I want you to be, you have always been beautiful, and I am blessed for being able to notice today how amazing you are. Thank you.
He was still walking. He felt as though he was still, although he still walked. He remembered feeling afraid before, afraid of how unattainable the beauty was. But he saw it differently now. If the beauty before him as he looked around while walking was a tree, he wanted to sit at its trunk.
I feel something. I feel like this is important. I feel sad because I don't think I can explain this properly. Its like glimpsing this sublime understanding the beauty gives transcends all the meaningless bullshit. I wish I could live in this feeling, I wish I didn't have to go back to the world of people. The world of people is dark and strange. So much wasted words, So many wasted thoughts, wasted feelings. I feel so sad. Why am I living in the inane place, pretending my life is made up of all those useless things? All my jokes really tragic, or schadenfreude. I don't need to hide from this beauty. I don't need video games. The hardest thing I should let go of is social. I don't need to worry if everyone is wrong about me. I cant spend all my time making sure people understand who I am. If someone thinks I am an asshole, I cant spend all my time trying to get them to change. I have to believe that I am not, and follow that beauty I saw while walking. No more running, no more fighting. If I am supposed to be a kind and gentle person, let the beauty I see in the world compel me to do so. I'm going to listen harder to myself, my primal self.
Friday, June 19, 2009
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