very busy lately. looking forward to some time off. good party, seth! also... hmm. need to get more sleep. this week ive been getting 5-6 hrs, except last night, when I slept at Natalie's. I got a lot there.

How much of who you are did you agree to?

How much of what you believe do you control?


-F E E L I N G- Like What YOU Do Matters to You

That is hard. maybe people who don't express this are just stronger people.

Wanting a person who doesn't want you. that imbalance. When one cares more than the other, the one who cares more gets fucked. So if I care more than her, she is always separate, safe. I am always afraid. So much has been written, said, and sung about it.

When one loves one more.
When I love you more.
I want more from you
Than you are willing to give.

I still don't really know how to deal with that.

So hard to figure out what you think, let alone others. you can never really figure out enough about love to really feel safe interacting with that person.

What do you do
When your mind is not a safe place

Trust--- Scary as fuck

What...self-centred because how else can you do it. Scared to be otherwise. Getting hurt is part of the process, I am quick to say. BUT! its so alien to see someone you want want someone else. It never really feels like something a person can get used to. A Shocking, intimate, real, -personal- realization that you are NOT the hero, the protagonist, whatever. There is no other way to put it. When you love someone that doesn't love you.

something I found online. I worry sometimes... Is this what some people (townies) think passes for morality?


"Are you tired of not getting any pussy? Are you tired of jacking off alone to pr0n of 8 yr olds you gathered off limewire? Well I have some great news for you!

GIRLS ARE FUCKING STUPID AS SHIT.

If you pretend to be interested in what they’re saying for at least 5 seconds they WILL FUCK YOU.

Get your head out of your ass, log out of WoW for a sec, and go outside to a bar or something. Find the saddest most depressed looking chick in the bar (she doesn’t have to be the ugliest) and make a show of striking up a conversation with her under the pretense that you care. Whatever she says, roll with it, no matter how stupid. Just listen and make knowing nods and brief consolatory comments. She will be jawing about some stupid shit...but have strength.

If alcohol is involved you should be able to fuck her tonight. Just persist. Remember, no matter how hard you pester her, if she says "yes" it’s not rape.

This works in almost any situation, not just the bar one given above. You can fuck literally any girl because they are all dumb as bricks. Just remember to only pretend to care about them. If you actually care about them you’ll seem too obsessive and they’ll smell that and this will never work.

Have fun. "