There is so much out there. I could spend all my time just collecting the stuff. The list of things you should know- cause if you did you would be better off- is infinite. Just too big,too many songs, books, paintings, conversations. Thats a really happy, beautiful thing. That mans if you go out looking, there will always be more to see. Thats your secret, beautiful weapon. No matter how trapped you feel, there is always something you would LOVE out there waiting for you. If you have a computer and Internet, art is an all you can eat buffet with and infinite menu that you can go to whenever you are hungry, for free. Its a bottomless rabbit hole.

Remember you should do your best to control what you consume. Thats why I don't have and easy time trusting one message, uniformly sent to everyone against their will. Don't trust television. Don't trust anything that sends one uniform dogma to millions of people against their will. UNLESS it reminds you to think for yourself as a caveat to its opinion.

ok so two people work together and their lives outside of work are told like two stories. work is where they send bits and pieces of their stories to each other. Maybe one person covers the others' shift, and how it affects their lives.

Connect the sounds, connect the words.
Trace the way they fit together.
Focus, form, create a coherent idea.
Believe what you are doing matters.

Your food is people who like what you do

Needing people to care about your art. I have no idea if thats a good thing. CHASE any compelling, inspiring emotion or sentiment you have. They are why you are alive. If you feel bad, in a bored or pointless way, DO something. Try something new. Life is only pointless when you have lost your point. If you can convince yourself that the world has something, anything to do that is better than boredom, then as long as you pursue it, your life has meaning. Smile! You have so much to be proud of. Be proud of all that people have done to express their lives through art. Be proud of your attempt at creating something. (and don't worry about people "getting it") if it felt right to create whatever you made, that is enough.

I was on a greyhound bus headed for Victoria
I met a girl on the bus, she had blond hair and a red sport jacket. she was sophisticated, intelligent. we talked, and she really impressed me. then she offered to go to dinner with me. she took me somewhere to eat, we ate, we talked, and we each paid for our meals. then she left, and I never saw her again. this was a couple years ago, but I dont think Ill ever forget her. I think her name was erica.

Im chasing a certain state of mind. I dont think its peaceful, but it comes with a strange kind of contentment. You know nostalgia? How good you feel about a memory; so good it aches?

Imagine that feeling. Only instead of for the past, its for forever. Being completely overwhelmed by the romantic beauty of all there is, was, and will be. The purity and overwhelming, aching joy that comes with a certain particularly positive mental spin on moral relativism.

I remember sitting on a beach once, and my friends asked me to come in the water with them. I couldn't. I sat on the sand, the only sound being the waves. I just kept thinking "I want peace!" But my mind was not peaceful. I remember looking at all the things in the world I was not in harmony with, and I remember telling myself that if they were gone, I would feel peaceful. There, sitting on the beach, with nothing to see but the water, and nothing to hear but the waves, I screamed out, "PEACE! I want PEACE!" I yelled, I had a nervous breakdown. I wanted music, without music to focus my mind I couldn't stop thinking about all the things and people in my life. No matter what, my brain buzzes. And it can really hurt. But, its not nature or waves that I needed, its music! Right now, I feel good. That nostalgic thing I was talking about. A big part of it is because of the music I'm listening to right now. "I can feel it fade like an AM single" by Spoon, and "Heavy Vegetable" by Slint. I'm not worrying, and I feel like this instant im in right now is where I'm supposed to be. Drinking oolong tea at a coffee shop, before work. Now, to translate this feeling into music... yeah. And love, and people. Getting this feeling WITH someone else would be nice.

I thought I recognized you when I saw that ass.

Turns out, unstoppably sexy women who just happen to be shaped exactly like you from behind exist.


I guess that makes not fucking you anymore a little less sad. OH! Wait! this one has a birthmark to the left of her spine, partially covered by the top edge of her halter top. Her face seems less disdainful too... then again. I don't know. fuck! her ass has magic powers! She must know im here writing right now. no one shows off an ass like that subconsciously... do they? Jaysus she is how! I need a cold shower. or sex with this woman. actually... yeah Id rather have the sex.



AHHHHH

Self Esteem


-the moments you feel in love with a person, place, thing, or idea are infinite. As long as you remember them, you are constantly experiencing the joy that they come with, if you want to.

-If you have the capacity to love, you have the capacity to be loved.

-If you sincerely care about someone, someone will sincerely care about you. If you feel inspired by someone's art, someone will be inspired by you or your art.

-If you are truly trying, that is enough.