I want to reach up, and spend my time chasing beauty. Id like to spend my time following whatever beauty I see and feel, wherever It goes, wherever it takes me. Doing this would put me at odds with lots of people. I also want to be able to do this without hurting people, without making me seem condescending. I dont really think I am better than anyone, or that I could be. I want to be seen as someone who is "on to something" but not as someone who is hostile or hurtful. :D

What makes one kind of human expression "better" than another? One person says something, people listen. Someone else says something else, and no one notices. What affects this? If I understood what affected it, would I change to get more attenion? more money? more meaning? Do people do that? When people act natural, they get different results... what does that do to you? One person acting naturally gets a positive reaction, one person acting naturally gets a negative one. So, some people might get the idea that the more positive feedback you get from people, the more right you are. And if you get negative feedback after doing what feels natural, then you are wrong. There is something about the natural, honest you that shouldnt be. This all carries a big assumption, and that assumption is that you are measured by other people's judgement of you. Is that good for you? I guess its good for you if they like you, and if they dont like you, then you either be what they want, or learn to live without them.

Harmony. Anger.

I see it, I mean I see that you are trying. I know that. I dont show it, but I really do know that.
But it pisses me off. If I think the direction you are walking towards is one I dont like, then I get pissed off. Dont worry though, its not your fault, you are just dong what feels good- what feels natural for you. I guess that means Im left wondering why it feels natural for me to reject what feels natural for you. I always feel like Im on to something important- something beautiful- I just dont really know how to express it yet.

Alright. work tuesday, recording wednesday and thursday, and big show on friday. !!