show don't tell. show don't tell. never have words stung harder than "show don't tell".

have you ever wondered whether or not you want to be loved?
have you ever wondered whether or not you want to be loved unconditionally?

what if you want to be liked this, much, not that much, at this time, not that time, in this way, not that way
what if you want exactly what you predict, with exactly the right kind of surprises mixed in?

if commitment makes you uneasy, seeing a man in front of you
who feels committed, or willing to commit,
wouldn't that disgust you?
I don't know. There are things I need to learn, perhaps things I fear
things I fear will change me once I accept them.

memory is not an easy thing to have sometimes... I don`t know how to say this properly. I think for me loneliness comes from caring a lot about people. Maybe in an unhealthy way? But I can't help it, so I let it in. I can understand the desire to see life as about feeling. Why can't I do that? I feel helpless. What is helplessness in this case? I have these ideals, and they dictate what I do... don't they? Would I be less helpless if I became contrary? if I started randomly doing the opposite of the ought just to prove I am alive? is it as simple "as find a thing to believe in"? What is emotional stability? Maybe it's like swimming instead of drowning. Do things matter to other people as much as they do to me? Different things as well as different amounts, perhaps. How do you measure? Actions? bah! I wish. I met a dark one, darker than me. She made me less afraid of the dark I find when I'm by myself. I should thank her before she dies.