This is basically awesome

someone once said their bed smells like perfection. I never smelled the little bits of plastic.

erm. my room is upgraded. I like it here. I should write more music now, hopefully. work. more hours=less of me doing what I love, less hours=debt. hmm.

yeah. Ive been having some really good late night conversations lately. I think things are going ok with that. Xmas started bad and ended well. I am loved by soo many people. Thank you everyone. And yet I look for more in the future. yeah. Adam green!

sit around
whenever you want


Dont trust yourself
to find the good stuff out there

why do you want to hear about love?
why do you want to hear about hate?
why do you want to hear about sex?

consume all you can in this world
soo much will never reach you

but smile smile, always smile
let all you see teach you

I know why you want the sex
I know why you want the hate
I know why you want the love

and dont forget that thats ok.

I feel unsettled. I want things; I want you. Desire does that- unsettles me. I still enjoy a lot of stuff... I just dont feel satisfied. I once wrote that in order to be an artist you cant really ever be satisfied. I find myself saying ironic things.

I need to learn to be satisfied with never being satisfied.

just whatever you do, dont tell me to get over it. I would rather not suppress. I would rather fall in love blindly, arrogantly, selfishly, rudely, ignorantly. As long as im trying!

I need to measure myself by what I do.

im still here. Im still here. Im still here.

Im still facing the same problems; but they all look and feel different if I dont think about it too much. Some things have gotten better. Ive gotten better at handling the ones that havent. Im at once happy with the way things are going and anxious for how they could change.

SO basically just another day. I have something in common with someone who doesnt act like me a lot: we both get caught up in the moment, emotionally speaking.

alright.

I made a mix CD!

Fuck this Im going with my gut.

I get that feeling sometimes.

Maybe?

HAHAHAHH!

Hot and sticky. Sitting on a bench, waiting. Waiting for someone. Scared... no. Anxious. The feeling that you aren't really living in a the moment your body is in. You are already in that moment you are looking forward to. Even though you cant predict the details of what will happen, it feels like its already happening. Then, its happening. And you still cant really feel right. You feel like you are remembering it, not experiencing it. Its so strange. Then you walk home, wearing a white t-shirt. She gave it to you. It smells like her; the smell triggers something. Only as you walk home, you start feeling like its happening. You close your eyes, and you are experiencing it for the first time.

Something sad I caught myself thinking:

Whats the point of being alone if everyone things you are just feeling sorry for yourself?

Yeah. ironic how im thinking about other peoples impressions of me when im thinking about being alone.

so strange
that
being a loner
is a part of who I am
just as much as being
a needy person.

i think
a
shift
of sorts is happening.

I come out of myself, kicking and screaming, showing people things in my head. Trying to be understood. Accepted. et cetera!

Trying to share how it feels to experience certain things.

For various reasons -both my own and otherwise- I feel like its not working.
so. I need to improve my own understanding of this mind exploding cosmic thing im aware of dimly. I need some time to muse. Some isolation. reduction of distractions. I think thats one reason I removed the video games from my PC. Im going to get a better sense of myself, and hope

Get Nice

By Spoon.

A good album. proggy, in that you really need to hear the whole thing for it to "work". go listen to it and lemme know how you liked it!

I am sick of stupid people.

I dunno. I was just reading up on wireless energy transfer, and we now have the technology to power most household electronics wirelessly - with zero harm to people. your computer, and all things your computer would plug into-keyboards, monitor, speakers, all that stuff- could be WIRELESSLY powered. this brings up a lot of really cool possibilities. anyhoo, when I get caught up in cool stuff like this, I cant help but annoyed with people online talking ignorantly about stupid shit.

Random Facebook thought

Ok, so, you cant post on a group or band page or event or whatever unless you join or plan to attend it. So, people who really dislike the subject matter dont really get heard, because they dont want to support it by joining.

Basically, thats means its an echo chamber of people who agree with each other.

Man.

ive recorded something.

yes.

I was playing piano on Bashu's keyboard while sitting at the computer, and when someone messaged me, I accidentally tried to type on the musical keyboard!!
random

Whats a useful way to get rid of anger?

I can get worked up something fierce sometimes.

yeah.

Also,

hmm.

Im working now!


Goals:

Microphones, notepads, computers, loop pedals, smiles, and ideas.

Nah, more!

more than that, I want soo much from everyone. I get more than most, and I want more. I want to be surprised. I want to be caught up in something. I want to WIN. I want to be heard. I dont want to have to take anyone's shit. EVER. I want to fantasize out loud, in the hopes that it might just come true by telling people about it. I want respect. I want to be proud of things I do. I want to smile more. I smile now, though. Its not hopeless. I just get caught up in nostalgia sometimes. I think I may be a romantic, and I'm caught up in things that make me happy and hurt me.

Compare the importance of expressing yourself for yourself with the importance of being understood.

its like, ok, ive written a song or something. I play it, and I like the way it sounds. ive satisfied my personal needs now. but what compels me to play it for people, talk about it, put it online etc?

funny thing about expression for me, its like I need to show it to people. Like i dont fully understand my expression, so I put it out in public so people can see. maybe they can help me understand it.

Had a good conversation on the bus today, Thanks, seth!

Did you know that I love love love Sergio Leone? His movies connect with me on a level I really like feeling. I'm watching "Once Upon A Time in the West" with commentary for the first time.

Yeah!

if you want the movie, i can lend it to you.

:)

This is fuckin hilarious! and they are from BC too.

And one more, right here.

Also, please listen to Dressed Up For The Letdown, by Richard Swift. the whole album is really really well done.


"BARR: "Context Ender"

Ever talk to someone you dont know? I ended up having an amazing conversation. He wasn't weirded out by having someone he didn't know open up to him on the spot. He just went with it, and it worked.

Listening to BARR can have that effect on you. BARR is the moniker for Brendan Fowler, a musician/performance artist/slam poet/whatever from L.A. Brendan went to high school (and subsequently came on tour ) with members of Animal Collective, and is a regular at The Smell, along with No Age and Xiu Xiu.I don't really know how to review this song. My first instinct is to tell you to go listen to it yourself, because he reviews it within the song, quite literally.

The first 50 seconds of the song are sparse; slow, simple, heavy piano, carefully moving along Brendan's urgent whispering:

i dont even know how to hear it; how to listen
im not even sure what it sounds like i mean
i know it has a sound it sounds like something
im just not sure what
what does it look like

Ok. Self-referential. Where is he going with this? Brendan doesn't sing, but doesn't quite rap. He rants exactly what he thinks, a seemingly raw stream-of-consciousness style that can embarrass the listener. Then the beat comes in. The piano begins to march, incessant and lingering on a single repeated note while the bass echoes the opening piano. The drums add some variety, enough to fill out Brendans voice. As the song continues, its clear that the words are the focus of BARR, hes throwing his mind at you, talking about circumstances and context; how they define you. The beauty of this song may also grate: he packs more philosophical meaning per-second in this track than a conventional musician could, at the cost of subtlety. There is no ambiguity about this song, these words, this message. Sometimes it feels like you are reading an interview with Brendan about existentialism rather than hearing a song, and he knows it. This is why this song is so hard to describe, let alone evaluate. Like he says:

but you only liked it cause you heard it with him
and the speakers sounded perfect
and you were over the other stuff

So, yeah. check it out for yourself."

Heres a review of a song I submitted to a website as a way to apply to be a critic there.

Didnt really work out, but hey, here was what I wrote.

"Colourbook: “Spout/Bec”

What do you want to know about Colourbook? They are from Victoria, BC. They worked full-time, and play shows until they had enough money to tour. Then they toured, and worked their asses off playing for anyone and everyone they could get to in Canada. Now they have a nice sized fanbase and find themselves opening for Eric’s Trip somewhere in Ontario. For you non-Canadians out there, this is a big deal. Anyway, these guys are in the embryo stage of “breaking out”- I expect more and more people to mindlessly name-drop them as the months go on, for better or worse. But lets get to the song, shall we?

They know how to play rock guitar. Its fast and crunchy. They know how to make bass matter. Its got a counter-melody, not a bass-line (trust me, there is a difference). They make use of shakers, tin cans, and the occasional drumset. They wail, and they sing. Add some horns here and there. Ok, so what? Well, they know how to mix them!

As the song starts, we get some shakers and a muted guitar part. The bass comes in carefully, slowly, quietly. The wailing starts, and after a few seconds you realize what you are getting into. The lead singer sounds like someone else, but you don’t care who. The guitars are sailing off like hyperactive chainsaws, if chainsaws could be really harmonic AND aggressive. The shakers and the hi-hat and the random shit they found lying around mix together with the guitar to make something you haven’t heard before. Or maybe you have, and you just don’t care for the duration of the song. They pick you up, they shake you around, and then they put you down. That’s where Spout ends. Next we get about 50 seconds of the band laughing and talking to each other, and we think it’s over. We hear a guitar fumbling around, and you can almost imagine him sitting on a couch, goofing around. Then the drums catch on, and you realize this is going somewhere. Then… Holy Shit! Two for one! Bec is more melodic, with the singer (Aaron Bergunder, if you are curious) letting his singing come to the front for a while. Add a cathartic, guitar-and-trumpet led fanfare, slowing down, leading us towards a tired smile and a feeling of contentedness.

I don’t usually dance, but I would dance to this. I think this song is a pretty great anthem; im expecting it to be kind of a big deal when this whole Colourbook thing catches on."

hmm. man, you loval fans deserve better. maybe ill pre-write some posts for this weekend. Yeah. that sounds cool. Ill do that. I hope i have a good weekend... im seeing my cousin for the first time in a while.

Oh and

I saw Tropic Thunder. I say it was alright, never really hit hard, but didnt suck that horribly either.

ok, im going to be gone this weekend. im going to something, erm. something worth going to. also, im working hard at finding a job, it seems to be looking up. also... hmm. yeah. life is alright. mmhm ayup. oh and the band! we are starting to look at some songs I wrote, which is pretty cool! yeah, and another band from the area just got a really, REALLY sweet deal playing shows. more on that later.

Love!