I consume culture, digest culture, and then shit ideas.

So, what did I eat? I ate Explosions in the Sky, and this webcomic

Now i feel really nice. The music and the comic sort of combined to form this vague idea. Im in that state where you feel tranquil and at peace with yourself, like you are in tune with life and the world around you, and your own mind. like everything will just work, if I change my perceptions. Attitude is soo crucial. Although earlier on today I was feelin pretty horrible, so im just a moodswinger. haha! i guess this post is a note to self for those times.

Jeff tweedy is pretty cool!

also, I'm doing well. more recordings and videos.
err.. nothing original comes to mind.

In the process of finding myself, I find myself learning about other people.
Worse than general malcontent and overt selfishness or maliciousness, I see more and more that a person deadset on almost any way of life is damaging to me. The most agreeable, kind, gentle, and generous people ive met have also been sometimes the most frustrating. I am offered everything I ask for, and everything I say is heard, thought about and respectfully and kindly responded to. And the smiles. Oh, the smiles! Always smiling, always positive. I receive a multitude of tolerance, respect, praise, and space. And it is infuriating!

What do I need that I don’t get?What could I possibly ask for that I am not getting?It’s the only thing I know how to give well. True, Genuine, Honesty. It’s the kind that scares people. The kind that is usually found hidden, along with their negativity. What I am getting at is that sometimes the most kind, respectful, generous people I know, THOSE people, have a philosophy or religion or pathos, something that creates a filter between their innermost thoughts and feelings, and the outside world. Anything that doesn’t fit the filter’s rules simply doesn’t come out. The truly disturbing part is that, regardless of the filter, it hurts those who have one. Even if your filter shapes your personality into someone who does everything they can to please and respect others, something is wrong. Where does the uncertainty go? What happens to the feelings of fear, malcontent, sadness, jealousy, selfishness, and rage? Do they just go away? If you can’t show these feelings, what do you become? I truly and firmly at this moment believe that a person’s true heart, true soul, that honest feeling of being alive, that SOMETHING, that something is shown through our vulnerabilities. I would much rather be with a messed up woman that I felt embraced me emotionally with all her fear, with all her sadness, with all her rage and depression, so horribly hurtful and spiteful that I would be as close to crying as I would smiling; than with someone who was attempting to show me the best parts of themselves, someone who wouldn’t know how to deal with their vulnerabilities, their fears, the reality of life. These things that we associate as negative!what do they really mean? Why do we feel them?
Don’t repress the bad feelings. Being able to cry is a beautiful gift. It means you are embracing life with all the sensitivity and vulnerability necessary to really enjoy the good parts.
I go about life with my perceptions and feelings bare, leaving me vulnerable as if I stood naked in front of those around me.
Most people don’t do that, and for good reason. It’s terrifying.

this morning when I went outside, it was snowing, very slightly, and there was no wind. The sun was shining. Combined, this all made it look like someone was sprinkling glitter from the sky everywhere.

So im sitting here. music is on my mind as usual. but first, I highly recommend you check out the latest daily show and colbert report. with the writers back, its good stuff.


Beirut is good stuff also.

Beirut sounds like... Balkan folk music meets indie soul with lots of hooks. anyway, this is for you.
what they did, is record a really cool video for each song on the new album. and its over there, all of em. sweet right!

enjoy the Eclipse! watch out for cluthuc.

the whole idea that you just deserve it is fucked up.
there is a very selfish side to being in love, or wishing you were.
we all live in our own heads, it makes us predispositioned to be selfish when it comes to love I guess. To be honest, Id just like to find someone who enjoys themselves and what they do, and if I found myself admiring that person for who they are, separate from me, that would be half of what would be a happy ending.

as for the other half, well I just gotta stop thinking I automatically deserve it. I heard somewhere doing that was fucked up.

"Police officers then reported back to their dispatch to say they were in the process of shutting the event down, but that they were letting the band finish their song first, because, (directly quoted from the officer): 'This band is sick.'"

-what happened at a Place to Bury Strangers show .
Sick!

So I love my job.

Everyone is nice to me, and I get an hour long break and 2 15 minute breaks. and I can move them around if I feel like it. and I can work on whatever I want, basically. and I can listen to music while I work. While im doing repetitive stuff (lifting, carrying, sweeping, mopping) I can just zone out to my muisc. :) Ive recorded some more guitar parts. once I have them ready ready, ill add them to the Lets Go Group. not sure exactly when or anything, but Im getting there. also, ill be taking more pictures soon.

you know that emotionally drained feeling? Is it positive or negative? it makes me want to sleep. and my brain feels sore. and I just feel stunned.

my journeys with alcohol for the first time... are interesting. while i was getting drunk at a club, I kept thinking how I would rather be just talking with someone sober without obnoxious music playing.

"I was a psychiatric nurse at the time. I just started writing stuff to kill time on summer evenings. This is why I'm always telling people who ask me what they need to do to succeed to give up, do something else. Because giving up and doing something else (nursing, for me) was exactly what eventually led me to making music that other people wanted to hear. People will complain that they don't want to wait around for lightning to strike, but why not? If you invest yourself in chance, the potential for disappointment is pretty low."

-an inspiring quote from this interview

im overloading on new music right now. I just torrented the newest Indie Rock Playlist, and A certian radio host from nanaimo with a nose piercing has a best of 2007 playlist im chewing through. its overamazing and excitexhausting.

News


gota haircut, got a volunteer job at a thrift store. its pretty cool, although not glamorous. lots of labour and stuff. 2 new kids in our house... yeah. oh! its my birthday! im nineteen now. and, im learning how to play:


'One by One' by Wilco

'Milk' by Kings of Leon

and, err.. a few more of my own songs.


The ghost didnt know what hit him until he turned around.

i have bad luck with women, and I sabotage my own social life.
(negative moment)

Wierd day.
not bad, not good, just bad and good. Im learning how to express myself I guess. Iron and Wine, Kings of Leon, Band of Horses. Go well together, i think. I want to write more music, so I will. Seeya!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cBBO_XkIbk

man. oh man.

Im soo proud of the Detective Collective right now. its amazing! and I hear theres another gig planned. dont ever give up guys! im rooting for you over here!

I noticed that when I see peoples pictures on facebook, the ones that look the least like the person are the ones that they comment as "best". oddish at least. aw crap now im thinking about pokemon.

I cant belive how lucky I was at home. Bashu's family- they are soo supportive, and not stupid.
Biting my tounge is hard sometimes. In this house, we have a person who acts like a living TV stereotype. Sheltered, whiny, constantly complaining- not very much fun. Its not really bugging me personally, but Im learning how to tolerate people without ranting at them just because of my opinions.

Hello everyone

I have had a very interesting week. I showed up in montreal, and went to an orientation camp. there were lots of people. lots of snow. went crazy carpeting, which was really cool. I felt gaurded, but I made... not quite friendships but those things that are close. I felt a disconnect, but it was ok. Then we got to the house. the house is great. its the first time Amos (the town) has had a Katimavik group, AND the house is brand new. Its nice, but its only my second day, so I cant really say much yet. Have you ever heard of the Mountain Goats? Its a band. very nice stuff. They are overwhelmingly prolific. I think im going to study this band, in my crazy way. i will listen and take my time, and learn to play the songs, until I feel like I understand them. We walk to the corner store sometimes, its nice. Katimavik wont pay for junk food, so i buy that stuff for myself. Im really excited about finding out about my work project. Also, that one week I get to not work, and be House Manager. Instead of having a volunteer job, House Managers clean the house and make the food. they also buy the food and plan the meals for the week. One more thing. Me and er... hmm. I guess I shouldnt name the other Katimavik participants. Ill make up names for them, I think. Me and Michael are in charge of Healthy Living. that means exercise. We get money, and we can spend it on stuff like that. god, I hate writing about this stuff. i mean, its important for people who dont know whats going on, but what I really want to write about is what im feeling. "Song for Lonely Giants" by the Mountain Goats. thats what im feeling right now. I think ill go learn that song. also, Im in love.

so im here. and im here. and im here and IM HERE!
er...
er...
what to say. too much. not enough. i want a special person. so i feel comfortable. heres hoping.

french! im immeresed. IMERRSION. and yeah. people! and snow. SNOW! all snow! and people! arrgh! some make me mad. not all. Im sticking it out. things are good. things are scary. i want to fall in love.

10:33 pm.

Its late. im leaving. im home, everything is packed. i fly tomorrow morning. im leaving. Im listening to Bodies of Water. Im going to meet random people for the next few days. travelling. im leaving. James gave me an amazing present. Im going to miss you all. im excited. im glad. im scared. I dont speak french! im going to fall in love. in love with a concept.

http://www.ifilm.com/episode/19360/startsWith/2823292

this man inspires me.
also, Jon stewart kicks ass. but you know that, dont you?

Bum bum...
theres a limit to your love....

ahha, I like Fiest.

Im packing packing packing and cleaning. im glad I finished work a week before I left, i would NOT have been able to prepare properly otherwise. Incidentally, I know no french. AHH!

God i hate feeling like im in a moment I will regret.

Had 2 huge all night parties in 3 days. im tired. had lots of thoughts, didnt write em down.
Its crazy, turning my mind inside out for the internet.

Got my tickets for katimavik. its Finalized.
AHH!