lets both be drunk

lets pretend we are more drunk than you actually are.

That way we can say things we didnt expect to see.

what matters to you? maybe you can tel me now that you are less hidden.

People who drink sometimes just want to hide themselves less.

But fuck it. fuck fuck . is it possible to respect the beauty in someone? sometimes seeing beauty just compells me to want. want want want. soo selfish. and yet. I imagine things. and if that person who I see the beauty in doesnt want things that way, well... it takes maturity to realize that just being honest and seeing what happens is the only really good way to go about things. if she loves you, it will be self evident. so go with it, thats the way to go

If you ask me whats on my mind, ill think of things that are on my mind faster than I can say them. let alone what was on my mind 10 minutes ago.

Happy new year!

TRUST!

Alright. These lyrics are going to go in the first half:



nostalgia is all I need

Please take me back to sault ste marie

I met an older woman there

Her god was art Her art was what she did

This Mod lifestyle id never seen before

smoking cloves on a southern porch

selling japanese imports

I met a few men who inspired me

Completely stunned by what I could possibly be

Spreadin the love, thats arcadia for yeah

you can thank matt, now its yours, yeah its for you...

Nostalgia, it buries me

Mother fucking memories

I wrote a song today, with some people. Writing a song with help from someone is sort of like being in love. No, I dont know what I mean by that.

This is basically awesome

someone once said their bed smells like perfection. I never smelled the little bits of plastic.

erm. my room is upgraded. I like it here. I should write more music now, hopefully. work. more hours=less of me doing what I love, less hours=debt. hmm.

yeah. Ive been having some really good late night conversations lately. I think things are going ok with that. Xmas started bad and ended well. I am loved by soo many people. Thank you everyone. And yet I look for more in the future. yeah. Adam green!

sit around
whenever you want


Dont trust yourself
to find the good stuff out there

why do you want to hear about love?
why do you want to hear about hate?
why do you want to hear about sex?

consume all you can in this world
soo much will never reach you

but smile smile, always smile
let all you see teach you

I know why you want the sex
I know why you want the hate
I know why you want the love

and dont forget that thats ok.

I feel unsettled. I want things; I want you. Desire does that- unsettles me. I still enjoy a lot of stuff... I just dont feel satisfied. I once wrote that in order to be an artist you cant really ever be satisfied. I find myself saying ironic things.

I need to learn to be satisfied with never being satisfied.

just whatever you do, dont tell me to get over it. I would rather not suppress. I would rather fall in love blindly, arrogantly, selfishly, rudely, ignorantly. As long as im trying!

I need to measure myself by what I do.

im still here. Im still here. Im still here.

Im still facing the same problems; but they all look and feel different if I dont think about it too much. Some things have gotten better. Ive gotten better at handling the ones that havent. Im at once happy with the way things are going and anxious for how they could change.

SO basically just another day. I have something in common with someone who doesnt act like me a lot: we both get caught up in the moment, emotionally speaking.

alright.

I made a mix CD!

Fuck this Im going with my gut.

I get that feeling sometimes.

Maybe?

HAHAHAHH!

Hot and sticky. Sitting on a bench, waiting. Waiting for someone. Scared... no. Anxious. The feeling that you aren't really living in a the moment your body is in. You are already in that moment you are looking forward to. Even though you cant predict the details of what will happen, it feels like its already happening. Then, its happening. And you still cant really feel right. You feel like you are remembering it, not experiencing it. Its so strange. Then you walk home, wearing a white t-shirt. She gave it to you. It smells like her; the smell triggers something. Only as you walk home, you start feeling like its happening. You close your eyes, and you are experiencing it for the first time.

Something sad I caught myself thinking:

Whats the point of being alone if everyone things you are just feeling sorry for yourself?

Yeah. ironic how im thinking about other peoples impressions of me when im thinking about being alone.

so strange
that
being a loner
is a part of who I am
just as much as being
a needy person.

i think
a
shift
of sorts is happening.

I come out of myself, kicking and screaming, showing people things in my head. Trying to be understood. Accepted. et cetera!

Trying to share how it feels to experience certain things.

For various reasons -both my own and otherwise- I feel like its not working.
so. I need to improve my own understanding of this mind exploding cosmic thing im aware of dimly. I need some time to muse. Some isolation. reduction of distractions. I think thats one reason I removed the video games from my PC. Im going to get a better sense of myself, and hope

Get Nice

By Spoon.

A good album. proggy, in that you really need to hear the whole thing for it to "work". go listen to it and lemme know how you liked it!

I am sick of stupid people.

I dunno. I was just reading up on wireless energy transfer, and we now have the technology to power most household electronics wirelessly - with zero harm to people. your computer, and all things your computer would plug into-keyboards, monitor, speakers, all that stuff- could be WIRELESSLY powered. this brings up a lot of really cool possibilities. anyhoo, when I get caught up in cool stuff like this, I cant help but annoyed with people online talking ignorantly about stupid shit.

Random Facebook thought

Ok, so, you cant post on a group or band page or event or whatever unless you join or plan to attend it. So, people who really dislike the subject matter dont really get heard, because they dont want to support it by joining.

Basically, thats means its an echo chamber of people who agree with each other.

Man.

ive recorded something.

yes.

I was playing piano on Bashu's keyboard while sitting at the computer, and when someone messaged me, I accidentally tried to type on the musical keyboard!!
random

Whats a useful way to get rid of anger?

I can get worked up something fierce sometimes.

yeah.

Also,

hmm.

Im working now!


Goals:

Microphones, notepads, computers, loop pedals, smiles, and ideas.

Nah, more!

more than that, I want soo much from everyone. I get more than most, and I want more. I want to be surprised. I want to be caught up in something. I want to WIN. I want to be heard. I dont want to have to take anyone's shit. EVER. I want to fantasize out loud, in the hopes that it might just come true by telling people about it. I want respect. I want to be proud of things I do. I want to smile more. I smile now, though. Its not hopeless. I just get caught up in nostalgia sometimes. I think I may be a romantic, and I'm caught up in things that make me happy and hurt me.

Compare the importance of expressing yourself for yourself with the importance of being understood.

its like, ok, ive written a song or something. I play it, and I like the way it sounds. ive satisfied my personal needs now. but what compels me to play it for people, talk about it, put it online etc?

funny thing about expression for me, its like I need to show it to people. Like i dont fully understand my expression, so I put it out in public so people can see. maybe they can help me understand it.

Had a good conversation on the bus today, Thanks, seth!

Did you know that I love love love Sergio Leone? His movies connect with me on a level I really like feeling. I'm watching "Once Upon A Time in the West" with commentary for the first time.

Yeah!

if you want the movie, i can lend it to you.

:)

This is fuckin hilarious! and they are from BC too.