memory is not an easy thing to have sometimes... I don`t know how to say this properly. I think for me loneliness comes from caring a lot about people. Maybe in an unhealthy way? But I can't help it, so I let it in. I can understand the desire to see life as about feeling. Why can't I do that? I feel helpless. What is helplessness in this case? I have these ideals, and they dictate what I do... don't they? Would I be less helpless if I became contrary? if I started randomly doing the opposite of the ought just to prove I am alive? is it as simple "as find a thing to believe in"? What is emotional stability? Maybe it's like swimming instead of drowning. Do things matter to other people as much as they do to me? Different things as well as different amounts, perhaps. How do you measure? Actions? bah! I wish. I met a dark one, darker than me. She made me less afraid of the dark I find when I'm by myself. I should thank her before she dies.