Im chasing a certain state of mind. I dont think its peaceful, but it comes with a strange kind of contentment. You know nostalgia? How good you feel about a memory; so good it aches?

Imagine that feeling. Only instead of for the past, its for forever. Being completely overwhelmed by the romantic beauty of all there is, was, and will be. The purity and overwhelming, aching joy that comes with a certain particularly positive mental spin on moral relativism.

I remember sitting on a beach once, and my friends asked me to come in the water with them. I couldn't. I sat on the sand, the only sound being the waves. I just kept thinking "I want peace!" But my mind was not peaceful. I remember looking at all the things in the world I was not in harmony with, and I remember telling myself that if they were gone, I would feel peaceful. There, sitting on the beach, with nothing to see but the water, and nothing to hear but the waves, I screamed out, "PEACE! I want PEACE!" I yelled, I had a nervous breakdown. I wanted music, without music to focus my mind I couldn't stop thinking about all the things and people in my life. No matter what, my brain buzzes. And it can really hurt. But, its not nature or waves that I needed, its music! Right now, I feel good. That nostalgic thing I was talking about. A big part of it is because of the music I'm listening to right now. "I can feel it fade like an AM single" by Spoon, and "Heavy Vegetable" by Slint. I'm not worrying, and I feel like this instant im in right now is where I'm supposed to be. Drinking oolong tea at a coffee shop, before work. Now, to translate this feeling into music... yeah. And love, and people. Getting this feeling WITH someone else would be nice.