Ok so you join the group because you were born into the group so you didn't really join you were just always in it. you are in a group against your will. now the group thinks something collectively. its shifting and hazy but its something. when you think something that goes against the collective thought, you have a few choices. you can get used to being seen as an ASSHOLE or a DICK or a SELF-CENTRED PRICK or a FREAK or something, or you could run away from people who say that. from there on, you could try and find people whose collective morality fits yours better. but its still collective, so it shifts and changes and NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU THINK IT FITS IT DOES'NT! IT DOESN'T FIT! you are you. you are not them. they aren't them either. no one is completely in harmony with the collective morality. the collective morality doesn't fit anyone. I know that sacrificing and compromising and letting things go is how we work as a social species- that is, either with or without the knowledge that the collective morality does not fit, we act like its fine and no need to worry and really, IM FINE! and shit like that. euphemisms and connotations. I call it repression cause it bothers me, you might call it harmony or acceptance or something that makes it seem good. I cannot say that its good or bad. not objectively! but I, right now, do not like how completely inescapable and insincere it feels. and thats my emotions. so, the music I make has to come from that. not a member. defiant. defiance. DEFIANCE MOTHER FUCKING COMPLETELY USELESS AND TRAGIC AND STUPID AND POINTLESS AND PITIFUL DEFIANCE.

or maybe im just an asshole.