East Hastings has a horribly jarring ending, like someone is sticking a robot mosquito in your ear and then twisting it around. And yet, this is the best song right now. I fucking love it.

to the tune of spout/beg by colourbook

fuck it man. Im drunk and I had a good time. except I didnt have a good time at all. the tequila was fun and the friends were nice, but I didnt feel it. I havent felt it in a long time. Maybe its the song, maybe its something else, but I find myself wishing you were in danger. wishing you were in trouble. wishing you hurt yourself. wishing you fucked yourself up, so that no one else loved you. then, I could come, and you would know I loved you all along. I could come, and save you. You would have to realize that I loved you all along. That YOU love me. that is why people like the movies. the movies fucking arrange life so that two people can be in love. the fucking circumstances mean soo much. I want to embrace what I feel when I think of you in another person, but I havent been able to yet. I want to make you understand, but I think you already know. Why am I so convinced that you still love me? why does everything I experience in life that resembles beauty or inspiration make me think of the clumsy stupid times we had? the days and nights of notes and fumbling. the excited crazyness of yourself. I had you FIRST. you learned from me. dont ever forget that I learned from you. dont ever forget the rooftop. dont ever forget what I said. I meant every word. Im over here to get over you. It hasnt worked so far. know anyone like you? am I spoiled? why am I drawn to sabotage? my love has turned selfish. leave me alone. you cant, though. you need to run, because I cant leave you alone.

(sorry its late, tell me what you think whydontcha)

Im a word that I havent learned yet.
and I dont know and I dont care; but I will love everything I see
Its soo fucking intense sometimes, and I cant explain
But it compels me to try
so Ill try


I liked the way I looked in those clothes
and when I danced in the bathroom late at night
I liked the way I felt, like my body could talk
maybe it knows the words I havent learned

when you express, you seperate, cut off, exclude
to write, I exclude.
cut off all senses to focus on one
but do I have to? im wrong actually
im listening to music write now.

are these words even mine?
should I pay royalties to my muse?
what we consume becomes what we express
we are what we eat

you know, I love you, you know.
and If you were me, if you really got me
then I could show you all of me
ME ME ME ME ME ME ME
ME ME ME ME ME ME ME

but YOU? who are YOU?
are you worth my time?
can I see through you? and when I do
consume, which is what ill do
and throw the empty can away.

I could lie, but I just want attention.
when inspiration makes me want to scream
I focus the scream and try to express
but do I just want attention?

in order to be an artist, maybe you cant be satisfied
satisfied with what the world makes you feel
you cant just enjoy it yourself
you need to compel others to identify with you
you just want them to BECOME YOU

PLACEHOLDER HAS A MESSAGE
HE SAYS POEM TONITE

"Time Stops" by Explosions in the Sky is a song I wanna cover with the DC someday. So my new job is a big challenge, im working for the government. lots and lots of higher level thinking here, its exhausting but definietly what im looking for. also, this is me, in a way

Wierd thoughts sometimes. Sometimes I want bad things to happen to people I love, so I can dramatically save them in order for them to notice I love them more. Ever wonder if the hero and the girl in the action movie would have ended up with each other if the conflict of the movie were taken out?

So I just saw The Darjeeling Limited. Overall a worth watching film! Owen Wilson actually downplayed his performance, which was a welcome change. Gave plenty of room for Adrian Brody and Jason Schwartzman (Sp?) to really let there characters come through.

Keremeos is a nice looking place. remind me to play guitar more.

Seeya!

good evening.


ive been up for 72 hours straight. im in keremeos. more to come later.
:)

ZZZzzzZZZ

I hope the DC are doing well, im hearing lots of stuff from them about how they are doing. I wrote a poem last night, but its on a comp without internet and Im in no mood to work to bring it here yet. but I will, someday! anyway, see you later man.

saw a movie, got a new shirt, Im done my job in quebec, and on wednesday ill be in BC. exciting times eh! you know what? im not a snob. I like some really popular music! I STILL think "rock lobster" by the B-52s is underrated! also, the movie "Revolver" is really about analytical psychology. just so you know.

been studying Transhumanism, today Cryonics in praticular. Ive decided that to me, amnesia is closer to true death than when your biological functions stop. in a way, at least. wierd eh?

soo... went to montreal. was good. bought the new Advance Wars game. I really wanna take it online when I get the chance. Anyway... The DC are playing their first PAID show soon. good luck to you guys! I recently discovered The Dodos. their new album, Visiter, is really cool. its minimal instrumentation (as in NUMEBR of instruments) but those instruments are really complex, and the drumming is very featured. also, I wrote a song, called "Little More World". Its pretty sweet :)

so im researching my next katimavik location (Keremeos, BC) and I did a google blog post. I found this post in caps: SHOWING MORE PASSING ACTION OF UNDER GROUND MOVEMENT


Turns out it was just about earthquakes.

damn i miss music scenes.

That satisfying balance between melancholy and content, between dispair and peace. THATS good indie music. Beirut is doing it for me lately!

also, Obama's "A More Perfect Union" speech was... damn. im out of hyperboles. see for yourself.

as a gift, I was just given a 300$ suit jacket in amazing condition that was given to the thrift store. it still had its origional tag and everything... man. thats soo cool!

simple fact in my opinion: what a person comsumes cultrally affects his personality, opinions, and worldview. Exactly to what degree or in what way varies, but its always a factor. SO, im planning on adding a links section so you can tell what influences me. right now, like RIGHT now, im into NPR podcasts.

Listening to the "Celebration Guns" cover on the "Do You Trust Your Friends" Stars cover CD. I was feeling so-so before the song played, then just as the song started some pretty girls walked into the store, and I think they like me! god isnt music wonderful. I must now learn this one. its cool cause theres mostly acoustic guitar anyway. also today I found out the phrase "Bad Luck" is used in quebecois french, as are "Lemonade", "Bullshit", and "Potato"

I really don't know what I'm doing, which is normal. What isn't normal is that I don't want to hide that fact. But hey i'm ok. What do you do when your mind selfishly screams LOVEMELOVEMELOVEMELOVEME? I'm really not that good at deserving that though, my social skills and stuff. It sounds horrible, but I feel like I would fall for the first girl to "get" me.

Wanted to write a letter
Didnt know to who
Tried to write it sooner
Before the thoughts have run out of my mind

Smart enough to be aware, but not nearly smart enough to affect.

More and more, its easy to Know. If knowing is half the battle, its the easy half. Facts, trends, ideas, opinions, all that stuff that people do in observing the world around them, or expressing thought. all those things are easier and easier to know now. And for me, its fun too! I LOVE going on wikipedia, or following the newspost links from the webcomics I read; just generally trying to find out what is "going on", what the invisible crowd of people who "Know" are up to. Thanks, Internet!

However, what does a person DO with that knowledge? Express their opinion that they derive from that knowledge. The frustrating part is that theres so much to know, what you finally express could possibly already be expressed by somebody.

You finally get through your IN box. Then, when you do put something in the OUT box, you find that what you put there is already in the IN box.

What do you do about that? Is TRUE originality a holy grail, a paralyzingly unattainable prize? I dunno. I'm just me. but me is ok.

I consume culture, digest culture, and then shit ideas.

So, what did I eat? I ate Explosions in the Sky, and this webcomic

Now i feel really nice. The music and the comic sort of combined to form this vague idea. Im in that state where you feel tranquil and at peace with yourself, like you are in tune with life and the world around you, and your own mind. like everything will just work, if I change my perceptions. Attitude is soo crucial. Although earlier on today I was feelin pretty horrible, so im just a moodswinger. haha! i guess this post is a note to self for those times.

Jeff tweedy is pretty cool!

also, I'm doing well. more recordings and videos.
err.. nothing original comes to mind.

In the process of finding myself, I find myself learning about other people.
Worse than general malcontent and overt selfishness or maliciousness, I see more and more that a person deadset on almost any way of life is damaging to me. The most agreeable, kind, gentle, and generous people ive met have also been sometimes the most frustrating. I am offered everything I ask for, and everything I say is heard, thought about and respectfully and kindly responded to. And the smiles. Oh, the smiles! Always smiling, always positive. I receive a multitude of tolerance, respect, praise, and space. And it is infuriating!

What do I need that I don’t get?What could I possibly ask for that I am not getting?It’s the only thing I know how to give well. True, Genuine, Honesty. It’s the kind that scares people. The kind that is usually found hidden, along with their negativity. What I am getting at is that sometimes the most kind, respectful, generous people I know, THOSE people, have a philosophy or religion or pathos, something that creates a filter between their innermost thoughts and feelings, and the outside world. Anything that doesn’t fit the filter’s rules simply doesn’t come out. The truly disturbing part is that, regardless of the filter, it hurts those who have one. Even if your filter shapes your personality into someone who does everything they can to please and respect others, something is wrong. Where does the uncertainty go? What happens to the feelings of fear, malcontent, sadness, jealousy, selfishness, and rage? Do they just go away? If you can’t show these feelings, what do you become? I truly and firmly at this moment believe that a person’s true heart, true soul, that honest feeling of being alive, that SOMETHING, that something is shown through our vulnerabilities. I would much rather be with a messed up woman that I felt embraced me emotionally with all her fear, with all her sadness, with all her rage and depression, so horribly hurtful and spiteful that I would be as close to crying as I would smiling; than with someone who was attempting to show me the best parts of themselves, someone who wouldn’t know how to deal with their vulnerabilities, their fears, the reality of life. These things that we associate as negative!what do they really mean? Why do we feel them?
Don’t repress the bad feelings. Being able to cry is a beautiful gift. It means you are embracing life with all the sensitivity and vulnerability necessary to really enjoy the good parts.
I go about life with my perceptions and feelings bare, leaving me vulnerable as if I stood naked in front of those around me.
Most people don’t do that, and for good reason. It’s terrifying.

this morning when I went outside, it was snowing, very slightly, and there was no wind. The sun was shining. Combined, this all made it look like someone was sprinkling glitter from the sky everywhere.

So im sitting here. music is on my mind as usual. but first, I highly recommend you check out the latest daily show and colbert report. with the writers back, its good stuff.


Beirut is good stuff also.

Beirut sounds like... Balkan folk music meets indie soul with lots of hooks. anyway, this is for you.
what they did, is record a really cool video for each song on the new album. and its over there, all of em. sweet right!

enjoy the Eclipse! watch out for cluthuc.