Damn it feels good to know you dont know what you are doing. Ill just say it out loud: I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING! I was in class today, and someone asked a show of hands: how many people had their lives completely figured out already? About 15 people raised their hands. THAT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME! I dont know what im doing. I dont know what im doing! Every single moment, every new song, every new kiss, every lingering moment of eye contact, every early morning jog, every new idea, every new challange, everyTHING thats waiting for me to discover it... I HAVE NO IDEA whats coming. And I feel like if I wanted my life to be planned out, it would just make the beauty of chaos in my life lessen. I know I have to make some choices- for example, Ive decided to give these courses my best shot this semester. Ive also chosen some courses for next semester. BUT! If something happens, and I am convinced that I shouldnt be at university, well, I WOULD NOT GO! I hope I wouldnt even look back. The amazing moments in life make me so overwhelmed I would cry... I dont know how to cry. I dont think my body can do it. I really wish it could sometimes, cause I get really emotional and it just feels like constipation or something... like my body wants a release that will never come. But I still want that feeling... arrgh. No, I DO still want those overwhelming moments where a new song and a sunset and a smile and a hug and eye contact all build up into this big fucking... ahh. I wont let me stop me from experiencing those good things wherever they take me!!!