The beauty... ahh. I dont treat the beauty right. When I see the beauty, hear the beauty, experience the beauty, the feeling is overpowering. Its like being washed away by a tidal wave. I think on some level my entire history of romance and relationships has been many attempts at experiencing this beauty, and having someone feel it too. I feel like that feeling is something I need to learn to share. I dont really share it very well right now. The words get all jumbled, I say the wrong thing. But this tidal wave is inside me, and it wants to get out. Man, if I didnt write these things here, I would have an even harder time, I think. Its like if the world could speak, its saying to me

"HEY! IM THE WORLD AND I AM BEAUTIFUL! I AM SO FULL OF MEANING! EVERY MOMENT YOU SPEND NOT IN CELEBRATION OF THIS IS A WASTE OF YOUR SHORT AND DISTRACTED LIFE! GO FRIGGIN LOVE SOMEONE!!"

So I say to the world, Ok world, Ill go love someone. And then I try, and then I fall. Sometimes I get some understanding, and I get moments where it really feels like they feel that thing too. That beautiful, wonderful, sublime thing. But things dont work out. I get selfish, or something or other. But guess what? Thats not going to stop me. Im going to keep trying. Because Fleet Foxes wrote "Blue Ridge Mountains" for ME to hear right now as I write this. They wrote it so I could feel this way. Feel like getting on a bike and riding into the sun. Feel like hugging and smiling. And maybe someday, if Im good, Ill get to cry with a smile on my face :)