Self destruct
CAUSE ITS FUN
Self Aware
CAUSE I AM
Self-Absorbed
CAUSE WHO ELSE
We do it cause its something to do. Really, though. That phrase, cause its something to do. We are hunting meaning. We want to feel things that, upon feeling them, make us feel like it was a meaningful thing. Some of us are aware of it as we go, some arent. Some are sometimes, some are convinced that its not even true. The way I tell people things, like my words are pushing them, makes them instinctively want to think up something to fight it. Obsessively devils advocating.
The worst part about writing about things here is the bias inherent: I decided to write about it. I decided not to keep it to myself, I decided to share it. That statement there colours and contorts and controls and affects the way anything here is read. and I cant really escape that in my current state.
I don't know! I don't know! I don't know! Please don't think I'm arrogant for writing. I really don't know what I mean here. What if the readers think the writer knows more about things than the reader? Just cause I wrote it down instead of keeping it to myself? I want to let you know that I know that you already know. I'm trying not to write as though I was showing you guys something you haven't already thought about. I am not doing that! HONEST!
As for why I'm writing... I think better by writing it down.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
in my head I have this idea of the perfect Sanctum
freedom from distraction
we'll see how it goes.
Ive got a big big dream to live up to. Im excited to give it a really good try.
Just focusing on beauty I hear and see, and trying to do something creatively with it. Paint and words and music, and love, and holding, and reading, and meaning. nothing else. no stupid jokes, no video games or distractions. and in a selfish way, it would mean treating my friends in a way that would make me seem distant. I just cant follow this beautiful path set before me if I spent 60% of my emotions and headspace keeping up with this social group.
freedom from distraction
we'll see how it goes.
Ive got a big big dream to live up to. Im excited to give it a really good try.
Just focusing on beauty I hear and see, and trying to do something creatively with it. Paint and words and music, and love, and holding, and reading, and meaning. nothing else. no stupid jokes, no video games or distractions. and in a selfish way, it would mean treating my friends in a way that would make me seem distant. I just cant follow this beautiful path set before me if I spent 60% of my emotions and headspace keeping up with this social group.
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