Strange.

INSPIRATION< SOMETIMES CAN ACTUALLY HINDER CREATIVE OUTPUT?

what happens when you cant handle the input, so there is no output? or you can see the output in your head but it wont come out right?

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I like it, i feel connected to it. Turns out, you feel the same way. The "connected to it feeling" i have is emotionally overwhelming to the point of self-damage from the inward pressure of no output. Even though you identify, we arent lovers. we arent even friends. why does the meaning compel me to love you and anyone else like you as though my desire is a weapon? HOW can we see the same thing and not simply be drawn together? I think deep down what I want is too much. I want everyone to love what I love, and to love me because of it. I turn that crazy dream down, though. I find people who already love what I love. and they arent drawn to me! a shared interest is not enough. SO! so what must i do! CREATE! MUSIC! WRITE! EXPRESS! FEEL LIKE IM WORTH SOMETHING TO SOMEONE! You know, my first "fan" who obsesses about me and my creations as much as I do, ill probably become totally compelled to love that person. so yeah.


Err...

MANIC LAUGHTER HAHAHAHAH

and i know you

and I KNOW you

and I know

you

are just around for a good time

And it feels good not to overthink it

as long as the others can play along.

if you try to hard, you dont stand a chance.

if you dont try at all, you have a small chance.

if you try sometimes, but only at the right times, you have a nice chance.

If trying at all the right times automatically feels natural, you have got it made.

if it doesnt, fake it!

or so i hear.

I dont want to fake it.

i want to be genuine. genuinely me. that means overbearing and gushy and forward and hard to take in all at once and unbelievable and moment-spoiling and way to in love for my own good.

WANTING SOMETHING

makes it less likely to happen, when it comes to girls like you, doesnt it?

and yet I find myself changing to become what I think you would like. I dont really want to do that, I want you. Its just wanting you involves that. I should really just... but ive already talked about that.

Lets run into each other at a party and make out while drunk. Then maybe If i tell you whats been running though my mind as I facebook stalk you ill seem less wierd. maybe. Is that how the kids get together? booze? i just wanna fucking make it happen. put it all out there. the whole fucking heart on sleeve clusterfuck that is my way of being. but i want it to work! i dont want to scare you away. anyway, if you read this it means im going to be ok, because you pay more attention than I thought. But is this about you? maybe.

longboarding is fun!

holy cow is it ever.

Also hey im playing FFTA2 right now and its pretty cool. hard mode didnt seem so bad but its pretty friggin hard now. anyways, seeya!

hey guys guess what I wrote a song

yeah

also work is alright.
and

err

yes here we are.

L

Love is in the world today.
Smiles and happy and PEOPLE!
You and you and him and her and I'm leaving, I feel like June in
school. In grade 12. How do people keep up with all this? The love, I
mean. I fell in love with so many people lately. And I've been away.
Away from the people I loved before. And it wasnt so bad! I love them
still and I loved new people too. I remember something I admired about
Mark. Wherever he went,he would randomly run into people with whom he
was friends with. When I was younger and I saw this, I thought so much
of him. You've met so many people, and they love you! Now wherever you
go you will likely encounter someone you love. What an amazing
feeling. I wanted that. Now I'm closer than I was 8 months ago. I love
you. You know who you are.

J

The book "free culture" by Lawrence lessig has sort of obsessed me. As
long as I read a book this inspiring every now and then, I will have
at least three times as much inspiration neccecary to devote my life
to political thoughts.