I have no idea. I dont know you, and thats just the way it is, its nobody's fault. Im not supposed to know you, maybe. Im feeling like the whole thing is just "i dont know" but im trying to describe it. It doesnt hurt, hurt isnt the right word. It just makes me feel things, things that make me slow down and notice my heartbeat and things that make me feel scared and unsure. I feel like a child in the water trying to swim for the first time. I have a goal, a change to make. I dont know if im doing it, but I want to look around, and at you and whatever, and just let it be. I wasnt born passive or calm, I think, but after a while I finally tried really hard at stepping back, and letting things happen however you or anyone else wanted them to happen. I was so used to trying to exercise control over situations, so used to monitoring how people react when I do things, and acting in order to make things happen, all that shit. But for once I tried, really REALLY tried, to step back and let things turn out however they would have. Not so that I could get what I want without controlling people, not that at all; just stepping back and really really being ok with anything that comes, even if its not what I thought I wanted, or if it hurts. So here I am, feeling... feeling. Just affected, really affected.