ok. ok ok ok. lets go. lets go do things now. things are happening now. many things. I got a great birthday present.

I look at the world around me
I spit in the face of your idols
While paying the bills of the king.
and he wont even tell you his name.



Ive never said never before
And ill never say never again

and before you tell me im crazy,

very busy lately. looking forward to some time off. good party, seth! also... hmm. need to get more sleep. this week ive been getting 5-6 hrs, except last night, when I slept at Natalie's. I got a lot there.

How much of who you are did you agree to?

How much of what you believe do you control?


-F E E L I N G- Like What YOU Do Matters to You

That is hard. maybe people who don't express this are just stronger people.

Wanting a person who doesn't want you. that imbalance. When one cares more than the other, the one who cares more gets fucked. So if I care more than her, she is always separate, safe. I am always afraid. So much has been written, said, and sung about it.

When one loves one more.
When I love you more.
I want more from you
Than you are willing to give.

I still don't really know how to deal with that.

So hard to figure out what you think, let alone others. you can never really figure out enough about love to really feel safe interacting with that person.

What do you do
When your mind is not a safe place

Trust--- Scary as fuck

What...self-centred because how else can you do it. Scared to be otherwise. Getting hurt is part of the process, I am quick to say. BUT! its so alien to see someone you want want someone else. It never really feels like something a person can get used to. A Shocking, intimate, real, -personal- realization that you are NOT the hero, the protagonist, whatever. There is no other way to put it. When you love someone that doesn't love you.

something I found online. I worry sometimes... Is this what some people (townies) think passes for morality?


"Are you tired of not getting any pussy? Are you tired of jacking off alone to pr0n of 8 yr olds you gathered off limewire? Well I have some great news for you!

GIRLS ARE FUCKING STUPID AS SHIT.

If you pretend to be interested in what they’re saying for at least 5 seconds they WILL FUCK YOU.

Get your head out of your ass, log out of WoW for a sec, and go outside to a bar or something. Find the saddest most depressed looking chick in the bar (she doesn’t have to be the ugliest) and make a show of striking up a conversation with her under the pretense that you care. Whatever she says, roll with it, no matter how stupid. Just listen and make knowing nods and brief consolatory comments. She will be jawing about some stupid shit...but have strength.

If alcohol is involved you should be able to fuck her tonight. Just persist. Remember, no matter how hard you pester her, if she says "yes" it’s not rape.

This works in almost any situation, not just the bar one given above. You can fuck literally any girl because they are all dumb as bricks. Just remember to only pretend to care about them. If you actually care about them you’ll seem too obsessive and they’ll smell that and this will never work.

Have fun. "

How do you react when he thinks he will sleep with you someday, and hes not afraid to tell you?

I need to brush my teeth more. also, music.

maybe life isnt about making sure you understand how to feel about life.

maybe life isnt about making sure you understand all the variables.

maybe life is about finding out what compels you, and chasing that emotion with reckless abandon.

maybe your life is measured by your actions.

do your actions bring you closer to what you desire?

do the desires of your mind and heart stew in your head without coming out in your actions?

what do you do when your emotions try and tell you that something about you- some desire, is a real, true thing?

you could write how much you miss the way it feels to look me in the eye, but it would never compare to seeing you on my doorstep.

Thats the magic of actions.

Ps im a hypocrite

self-discovery isnt a safe, happy, roses-and-cupcakes kind of thing.

If words are ALL

i have, then how can the world

In My Head get out to the

worlds in the heads of those I care for?

I am equally pissed off by vapid, wilful ignorance and intellectual pretentiousness.

Hello, and nice to meet you, and im sorry that
I forget sometimes myself and other things.

And how do you do, and what do you do
and to whom do you do what, and how do
you do that.

And its such a nice day, in the sun
or the rain, doesn't it feel good, in two
different ways?

And I love you and there. I said it. And
what have I said at all when no one agrees
on the details of love?

Now, ist past 2AM and im up in
five hours and if I wasnt writing this I
would be awake entertaining my thoughts.

And of course an imagination makes everything seem possible,
but only in your head. But why isnt that enough? I want
people more than anything. Loneliness is my first enemy
Im writing to be read. Screaming to be heard.

I break the law sometimes.
I wont tell you when or where or how.

The word WHY is paralyzing

And freeing

sorry for the wait. ive got about 2 weeks worth of stuff in a notebook ive been using. Ill write it here tonight, soon. love! peace! fucking! and happiness.

im convinced im good for you. Please forgive my arrogance!!!!!YEAHHHH

lets both be drunk

lets pretend we are more drunk than you actually are.

That way we can say things we didnt expect to see.

what matters to you? maybe you can tel me now that you are less hidden.

People who drink sometimes just want to hide themselves less.

But fuck it. fuck fuck . is it possible to respect the beauty in someone? sometimes seeing beauty just compells me to want. want want want. soo selfish. and yet. I imagine things. and if that person who I see the beauty in doesnt want things that way, well... it takes maturity to realize that just being honest and seeing what happens is the only really good way to go about things. if she loves you, it will be self evident. so go with it, thats the way to go

If you ask me whats on my mind, ill think of things that are on my mind faster than I can say them. let alone what was on my mind 10 minutes ago.

Happy new year!

TRUST!

Alright. These lyrics are going to go in the first half:



nostalgia is all I need

Please take me back to sault ste marie

I met an older woman there

Her god was art Her art was what she did

This Mod lifestyle id never seen before

smoking cloves on a southern porch

selling japanese imports

I met a few men who inspired me

Completely stunned by what I could possibly be

Spreadin the love, thats arcadia for yeah

you can thank matt, now its yours, yeah its for you...

Nostalgia, it buries me

Mother fucking memories

I wrote a song today, with some people. Writing a song with help from someone is sort of like being in love. No, I dont know what I mean by that.

This is basically awesome

someone once said their bed smells like perfection. I never smelled the little bits of plastic.

erm. my room is upgraded. I like it here. I should write more music now, hopefully. work. more hours=less of me doing what I love, less hours=debt. hmm.

yeah. Ive been having some really good late night conversations lately. I think things are going ok with that. Xmas started bad and ended well. I am loved by soo many people. Thank you everyone. And yet I look for more in the future. yeah. Adam green!

sit around
whenever you want


Dont trust yourself
to find the good stuff out there

why do you want to hear about love?
why do you want to hear about hate?
why do you want to hear about sex?

consume all you can in this world
soo much will never reach you

but smile smile, always smile
let all you see teach you

I know why you want the sex
I know why you want the hate
I know why you want the love

and dont forget that thats ok.

I feel unsettled. I want things; I want you. Desire does that- unsettles me. I still enjoy a lot of stuff... I just dont feel satisfied. I once wrote that in order to be an artist you cant really ever be satisfied. I find myself saying ironic things.

I need to learn to be satisfied with never being satisfied.

just whatever you do, dont tell me to get over it. I would rather not suppress. I would rather fall in love blindly, arrogantly, selfishly, rudely, ignorantly. As long as im trying!

I need to measure myself by what I do.